TW: suicide & rape

Here is a suicide letter of a Nova survivor, published by his family.

After miraculously surviving the October 7 massacre, the young Israeli man decided to end his life after witnessing too many horrors, including the rape of a girl. The overwhelming weight of everything he saw, heard, and experienced, along with his inability to save the girl being assaulted nearby, made him feel incapable of continuing his life.

Here is the letter translated from Hebrew.
May he rest in peace 💔

“Hey you, please forgive me!

It all started on Thursday, we were dancing and having fun, and come Friday - so much fun all around, seeing friends we haven't seen in years - we all met to dance and celebrate life. Come Saturday morning, the sun begins to rise, it's so beautiful as it starts to shine all over everyone.

We're dancing and happy, hugging, and some of my friends start to leave. Suddenly, rockets start flying over us, I know this, this is my life -I'm from the South.
But then there are paragliders- I hope nothing happens to them...
Then starts the gunfire - what is going on?

We see the truck coming, paratroopers dressed in foreign uniforms - they are killing everyone.

They just killed Shay, they killed Adi.. They're kidnapping that girl, who is sitting there hugging her murdered boyfriend. Suddenly you run to the bushes where I sit and hide, not uttering a sound from my lips.

You're in the bush next to me, so close, the cries gush out from within you. A terrorist is right above the bush I'm hiding in and I pray he won't see me, I pray so hard, something I haven't done my entire life... God can hear my prayer.

But you won't stop crying out loud because with every second, someone gets shot and murdered.
They saw you, they're dragging you out of the bushes. They're four and you're one.
You scream for help.
One of them punches you to silence you, and you try to fight them while looking towards my direction, for me to save you.

But if I step out, we will both get murdered. I want to live!
I sit there silently, they start undressing you!
I'm crying, I feel like I need to scream but a hand silences me! Maybe it's the hand of God, or I don't know who...

They turn you on your stomach and they start raping you, one by one.
They turn you around again and they yell at you in English, they want you to see for yourself how they have defeated you. You try to crawl in my direction and I pray for something to happen, for someone to kill them so you can get out alive, but as you crawl towards me and they're on top of you - the shot comes.

They murdered you, but before they murdered your body they murdered your soul.

I sat there, in the bushes, for hours, I did not come out.
I saw a bottle of water next to you and I was so incredibly thirsty, but I couldn't bear the thought that I should have saved you, so how can I be so disrespectful and drink your water?

I have reached rock bottom, I can't live anymore. Your look follows me every single day - in the shower, in my sleep, in my room. I couldn't go back to work, I wasn't able to.

I've been to your house. I didn't tell your parents what you've been through, but they've been told that your body was abused, I was a witness.

I ask for your forgiveness.

I am coming to you, to the next great world, I promise to save you there and protect you. Please forgive me!

And don't worry, I left a note for my family telling them how much I love them, and thanking them for the life they gave me.

My sister is having a baby, I thought about sticking around to get to know my nephew, but I don't think he should know the uncle that couldn't save you.

It's okay, I'll watch him from above.”

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